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My understanding of satanists is that they "look out for number one." They don't necessarily do the mainstream version of devil-worship with the "gothic" get-up and sacrificing neighborhood pets. As a rule, satanists just want whatever gives them pleasure, regardless of the cost to those around them. At least that's the idea which I've picked up.
To me that's a control issue. Sometimes I feel like I fit into that category. Many of my remembered experiences are remembered because of the involvement I had, while disregarding the involvement of others in the experience and the part they played in my own development (whatever type it might be). The "me" perspective is overpowering the "us" or "we" perspectives in my relationships.
Just like with a lot of aspects of my personality I'm not completely sure when this mindset started. It doesn't seem very prominent until it involves those truly closest to me. Even then it takes someone pretty perceptive and truly involved to take notice. Building myself as a person is not my only mission and that's something I keep choosing to ignore. I've been taking advantage of those around me to gain those ends, as if they won't be around forever, or rather, as if they won't be a part of me forever. I don't put the energy I need into my relationships, into building the entities which involve more than one person. Those shared experiences, those memories, those plans for the future shape how a relationship evolves, grows, and feels.
These things connect to control because they're some of the few things which actually work both ways in that form. It's a strange thing at first, but it doesn't take too long to realize just how difficult it becomes to have control over my life when I keep such a tight grasp on it that everything else flies by as if there were nothing stopping it. Being good at one subject in school doesn't earn me a degree. Having control over one aspect of my life doesn't put me in control of my life.
Interestingly enough to me this also shows control in a not so bad light, even if I'm not utilizing it in the positive way I'm talking about, at least yet. It seems like changing is something which should come easily enough if we're willing, and I guess that's true, but it also seems difficult enough that it's not something that wants to come to just anybody who wastes their life in front of a glowing rectangle, so to speak. Sometimes control and comfort seem as though they're at odds with each other. I think that like everything the effects change. 2+2 does not always equal 4. It's a truth in this world which does not actually fit into a box of any particular shape.
Naked and dripping he knows where he's going,
Lost to the others and found to himself,
He feels his way along the walls,
Leaving a trail anyone can follow,
Once he gets to his destination,
He realizes he's arrived at the pool,
Going for a swim he comes out again,
Naked and dripping,
Everyone looks at him and sees something different,
And so does he,
But what's really changed?
Everything?
To me that's a control issue. Sometimes I feel like I fit into that category. Many of my remembered experiences are remembered because of the involvement I had, while disregarding the involvement of others in the experience and the part they played in my own development (whatever type it might be). The "me" perspective is overpowering the "us" or "we" perspectives in my relationships.
Just like with a lot of aspects of my personality I'm not completely sure when this mindset started. It doesn't seem very prominent until it involves those truly closest to me. Even then it takes someone pretty perceptive and truly involved to take notice. Building myself as a person is not my only mission and that's something I keep choosing to ignore. I've been taking advantage of those around me to gain those ends, as if they won't be around forever, or rather, as if they won't be a part of me forever. I don't put the energy I need into my relationships, into building the entities which involve more than one person. Those shared experiences, those memories, those plans for the future shape how a relationship evolves, grows, and feels.
These things connect to control because they're some of the few things which actually work both ways in that form. It's a strange thing at first, but it doesn't take too long to realize just how difficult it becomes to have control over my life when I keep such a tight grasp on it that everything else flies by as if there were nothing stopping it. Being good at one subject in school doesn't earn me a degree. Having control over one aspect of my life doesn't put me in control of my life.
Interestingly enough to me this also shows control in a not so bad light, even if I'm not utilizing it in the positive way I'm talking about, at least yet. It seems like changing is something which should come easily enough if we're willing, and I guess that's true, but it also seems difficult enough that it's not something that wants to come to just anybody who wastes their life in front of a glowing rectangle, so to speak. Sometimes control and comfort seem as though they're at odds with each other. I think that like everything the effects change. 2+2 does not always equal 4. It's a truth in this world which does not actually fit into a box of any particular shape.
Naked and dripping he knows where he's going,
Lost to the others and found to himself,
He feels his way along the walls,
Leaving a trail anyone can follow,
Once he gets to his destination,
He realizes he's arrived at the pool,
Going for a swim he comes out again,
Naked and dripping,
Everyone looks at him and sees something different,
And so does he,
But what's really changed?
Everything?
