Angler Fish
Mar. 26th, 2010 09:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cloudy_oneThe human body is a truly magical and mystical thing. Follow the syringe into the vessel, caught up in a red draft. Swirl about into a micro world in which everything is fantastic and unbelievable. Think as the chemicals coming from your own center of being turn you into the person who people see on the outside, or perhaps the person only you yourself see. Hormones, raging, the cliche used to describe teenagers but just as apt for any man or woman. Not just for sex, but for life completely. Bringing us to the mountain top peaks and plunging us into the depths so deep we have to evolve gills and bio-luminescence to survive. Seeking sustenance as an angler fish.
I have a handful of things "wrong" with me. I have a hormone imbalance, which luckily enough can be basically corrected with diet control. Now it's just a matter of doing that. I can't have too much meat, especially processed, or I "male" out to a dangerous extreme. I'm compensating with V8. I have anxiety issues which right now warrant medication.
I doubt if I'm bipolar, or if my moods have much to do with "flawed" biology, but it's something I'm thinking about this evening. It seems like there's a lot at work somewhere to swing people so radically. To swing me so radically. I've had thoughts of suicide before, and I've had times when the simplest little thing makes me yearn for more life. Times when I wish I would just get swept away and times when the sun on my face feels like the breath of the universe itself.
I love my life. There are so many ups and so many downs, but such small things stick out. Right now I'm caught up in stress management with so much happening in my life, in my family's life. There's much to be done (Pooh Corner) but I'm learning to appreciate all of my emotions, even the ones that seem like they want to suck me under or pull me up uncontrollably. It's all such a wonder.
I have a handful of things "wrong" with me. I have a hormone imbalance, which luckily enough can be basically corrected with diet control. Now it's just a matter of doing that. I can't have too much meat, especially processed, or I "male" out to a dangerous extreme. I'm compensating with V8. I have anxiety issues which right now warrant medication.
I doubt if I'm bipolar, or if my moods have much to do with "flawed" biology, but it's something I'm thinking about this evening. It seems like there's a lot at work somewhere to swing people so radically. To swing me so radically. I've had thoughts of suicide before, and I've had times when the simplest little thing makes me yearn for more life. Times when I wish I would just get swept away and times when the sun on my face feels like the breath of the universe itself.
I love my life. There are so many ups and so many downs, but such small things stick out. Right now I'm caught up in stress management with so much happening in my life, in my family's life. There's much to be done (Pooh Corner) but I'm learning to appreciate all of my emotions, even the ones that seem like they want to suck me under or pull me up uncontrollably. It's all such a wonder.
